Top O’ the Briefing
Happy Friday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Zerberfristz was last seen Bedazzling mohair turtlenecks at the Tijuana Donkey Show horchata kiosk.
We’re going to quickly mock America’s Hat this morning, then I’m going to see if I can establish residency at a microbrewery taproom. Kidding — I don’t drink enough for that anymore. If I were the sighing type, this is where I would do it.
It really is too easy to mock this clown, but it’s also a lot of fun. When I wrote about Canadian Maple Festival King and alleged leader Mark Carney at the beginning of this month, it was to digitally pants the moron for whining about being the subject of American memes. When I first read about his complaints, I was sure that I was concussed and/or being punked.
At that time, I thought that Carney couldn’t possibly be more ridiculous. Apparently, Carney wants his time as prime minister to be remembered as an ongoing cry for attention. My friend and RedState colleague Ward Clark wrote a piece yesterday which was titled, “Prime Minister of Our 51st State, Canada, Just Broke Out the War Crayons.” Over at HotAir, my colleague Beege Welborn came up with the headline, “Carney-Val Continues: ‘I Had Plans Prepared for Syrupean Elbows Up in Case Trump Attacked.'” Again, it’s impossible to avoid throwing shade at Carney.
Here is something from Beege’s post to explain things:
#BREAKING: PM Carney prepared for ‘risk’ that Trump might order U.S.-led military invasion of Canada: report https://t.co/CL9owoaFsp
— CTV News (@CTVNews) September 24, 2026
Given the fact that Carney was already reeling from the deleterious effects of the serious meme-ing that his kinda/sorta country was getting on various social media battlefront platforms, it’s easy to see why he might be a little skittish and paranoid. Everyone knows that taunting images generated by Grok or ChatGPT can quickly escalate to boots on the ground in any international conflict.
To the surprise of no one, a village idiot faux journo took Carney’s anti-Trump nonsense seriously and wasted the time of an admiral in the United States Navy with a question about it (I actually saw this on Beege’s X feed hours before I knew she’d written the post):
Mark Carney decided to tell New York Times Canada is preparing for risk of U.S. Invasion even after U.S. admiral said do you also want my battle plans for the Martians too? That’s the level of absurdity we’re dealing with.pic.twitter.com/G7lViX83js
— Marc Nixon (@MarcNixon24) September 24, 2026
I won’t be shocked if The New York Times runs an article wondering if the Department of War is being tasked with drawing up battle plans for Martians. They’re that far gone over there.
Mark Carney knows that we really don’t give much thought to Canada here. I’ve spent the last six weeks about 45 minutes away from Windsor, Ontario and I barely remember it’s there. At this point, Carney should be showing up to press conferences wearing a “Trump Is My Daddy” sweatshirt. His flailing for relevance is unserious and sad.
Ward’s post runs a comparison of actual military strength numbers. Of course, the disparity makes Carney look even more absurd.
Here’s hoping that good Canadians will vote this moron out of office before he embarrasses the country into permanent international impotence. If they don’t, it might be time to start talking about annexation again. There is a lot of good fishing up there.
Beyond the Briefing: Looks Like ‘Body Positivity’ Was Only for Fat People. I’m making videos again and having fun, so they’ll be getting extra promotional love here. This one has some healthy Sydney Sweeney talk in it. Enjoy.
Contributions to the Mailbag of Magnificence can be sent to [email protected]
Click the button to get the Morning Briefing emailed to you every weekday. Have your coffee with me, people. It’s free, and it supports conservative media!
The Mailbag of Magnificence
Doug P. gets us rolling today:
Thanks for an excellent coffee companion. Your comments on TDS remind me that Democrats, while they are incapable of running cities, solving problems, or making much sense, are very very good at manipulating emotions. They have created an atmosphere where Republicans are automatically icky. Even when a voter is angry at the obviously horrible things Democrats have done, checking the Republican box on the ballot feels wrong. I recently had a conversation in which an intelligent colleague, a scientist with an impressive resume, added Trump to a list of dictators including Stalin and Pol Pot. Fortunately I have “Now, wait just a minute” in a belt holster ready to draw. “Where are Trump’s gulags? How many millions has he killed? Why does he keep obeying court rulings instead of having judges shot?” It didn’t change my friend’s mind, but I didn’t expect to. All I wanted to do is not to leave some TDS BS unchallenged. We need to challenge it, large or small, loud or subliminal. Thank you for providing ammunition.
I think I would have wrapped up that convo with, “Hey, I’ll send you some links to free online dictionaries so you can look up the definition of ‘dictator’ and not sound like a paste-eating moron next time.” Always glad to be of help.
Our friend Richard M. writes:
Septic Glowworm has unfortunately split up after a disastrous performance in Ann Arbor recently. I am distantly related to Bob Mould, once of Husker Du, so I formed a tribute band called Husker Don’t.
No accordians, however.
SG had such potential. Honestly, I liked Mould’s work with Sugar, as well as some of his solo stuff.
This is from MB stalwart Jerome:
Hey Kruiser,
When you come up with band names like Septic Glowworm, do you check to see if the name is being used? I looked it up on the google machine, and the search results brought up the Dave Matthews Band, which seems oddly fitting.
I do not check on the band names that emerge from my fever dream. What’s weird about your search is that on the same day I made up Septic Glowworm, I’d tweeted (STILL CALLING IT THAT, ELON) about how much I loathe Dave Matthews’ music. True story. I’d repost it here as proof, but there may have been an f-bomb involved.
Don in Texas will help us wrap things up:
Hi SFK, long-time reader, one of whose comments you posted many years ago. As proud as I am of that achievement, my overstuffed brain can’t remember when that happened. This statement in today’s Briefing caught my eye: “I’ve been in touch with some on our side who are despairing, which shows that nobody is immune to the barrage of negativity.” I think you minimize your astounding influence on those of us who never fail to read The Briefing every day. With you and your Townhall Media crew, particularly those on PJM, said readers will never despair, given that your work has provided actual immunity, unlike any Fauci-touted vaccine ever could. Hopefully those who are despairing will take the daily injection.
Well, thank you very much, Don. I do want to try and keep things lighter even in the darkest news cycles. It’s nice to know that it’s working. It’s also important for me to remember that the internet is a place where people are far more likely to express their negative thoughts. Just because I’m not seeing more positive ones doesn’t mean they’re not out there. I appreciate you being here.
Thanks everyone, let’s have fun again next week!
Everything Isn’t Awful
Cow has a higher vertical leap than I do.
The way this cow jumped with excitement and joy for a treat.. 🥹 pic.twitter.com/clr1IROHRU
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden) September 24, 2026
PJ Media
VodkaPundit. That’s Right: We’re Shooting Down Enemy Drones With Fricken Laser Beams
The New Normal? Knife-Wielding Man Shouting ‘Heil Hitler’ Chases Jewish Student in NYC
Are We Finally Close to Finding Out Who Was Behind the 1982 Tylenol Murders?
VodkaPundit, Part Deux. Lovin’ It? Check Out McDonald’s $13.5 BILLION Modernization Plan
At the Beatification of America’s Own Fulton Sheen
‘Paging Hezbollah’ Goes Inside One of the Most Daring Anti-Terror Operations of All Time
The Obamafication of Abdul El-Sayed
#RIP. Remembering Jim Copenhaver: Another Victim of the Butler Shooting Dies
Women’s Group Finds That Biological Men Stole Over 2,000 Gold Medals From Girls
Lindsay Clancy’s Lawyer Just Crossed a Line With the Holdout Juror
Townhall Mothership
Schlichter. Beat the Press
A Second Man Was Arrested in Mississippi Hanging Case. Guess What the AP Didn’t Tell Us.
So there’s that…Abdul El-Sayed Backed Muslim Brotherhood Purge of Egyptian Media
ISIS Financier Who Fled U.S. in 2016 Finally Faces Justice
Why DOJ Opinion on Handgun Sales to Adults Under 21 Matters
Maryland Synagogue Wants to Build on Injunction Allowing Carry on Property
Restaurant Manager Fends Off Attacker With Grill Scraper
California Braces for Another Hurricane
McWhorter: There Is No ‘National Crisis’ of Lynchings
🍻🍻🍻Milei: UN ‘Useless Organization Whose…Purpose Is to Sustain a Caste of Fatally Arrogant Parasites’
Hot Takes: Obama Fumbles Big Time on Issue of Women in Power, and People Have Thoughts
What a loser, eh? Prime Minister of Our 51st State, Canada, Just Broke Out the War Crayons
Trump Admin Releases a Comprehensive Cybersecurity Plan on Safeguarding the Midterms
Um…Pastor at James Talarico’s Church Says We Have No Way of Knowing If Jesus Existed
John Cleese Suggests That He Wishes African Slaves Had Been … (Ahem) … Snipped
Netanyahu Rips Mamdani, Saying Genocide Is What His Buddies Would Have Done If Not Stopped
VIP
Watch me! Kruiser’s ‘BTB’ — Looks Like ‘Body Positivity’ Was Only for Fat People
VodkaPundit, Part Trois. Thursday Essay: Let’s Talk About the REAL ’80s
America’s New Blessed, Fulton Sheen, Was a Great Preacher Against Communism
This is One Sure Way to Lose a Debate. Period.
Adventures in The Patriarchy™: Unburdened by What Has Been (Due Process)
Why Do Women Live Longer Than Men?
Siege: Nothing Happens Until It All Happens
Even the Anti-Woke Leftists Are Still Leftists
Dummy Hoy Couldn’t Hear the Umpire, So Baseball Learned to Speak With Its Hands
Around the Interwebz
Keira Knightley is back in action as a spy-for-hire in Black Doves season 2 trailer
10 Shows Like ‘American Horror Story’ You Should Watch Next
14 Real Places That Haunt the Pages of Literature
The Kruiser Kabana
Kabana Gallery
Yaqui & Singer by Ted DeGrazia, 1967.
Set against a brilliant yellow background, DeGrazia captures a moment of movement and music, contrasting the standing dancer with the seated singers. Thick, expressive brushstrokes and flashes of color give the scene an unmistakable energy. pic.twitter.com/L9NrrhEsJR
— DeGrazia Gallery in the Sun Museum (@DeGraziaGallery) September 24, 2026
Kabana Comedy/Tunes
The ’80s began very, very well.
Weekend Bonus
POTUS Press Today
|
Become part of the PJ Media VIP party by subscribing here. Use promo code KRUISERMB to receive a WHOPPING 60% discount. Trust me, we’re having fun over here.
