Conspiracy theory: Bill Clinton might have had an extramarital affair with an intern.
Conspiracy theory: Keith Richards may have used, at some point in the not-too-distant past, illicit recreational substances.
Conspiracy theory: Joe Biden’s people might be lying to us about his medical condition and when they knew about it.
These three things, for anyone familiar with the news and popular culture anytime in the past, oh, 40-odd years up until now, are funny on their face because, while the accusations might be false — perhaps Bill Clinton didn’t have sexual relations with another intern, say, or Keith has been keeping his nose clean of late — they aren’t conspiracy theories so much as they are theories backed up by repeated and verifiable past behavior.
So, as much as I never like to hear about anyone, much less my former president, being diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer, I couldn’t help but to involuntarily laugh at this Washington Post headline: “Biden diagnosis draws well-wishes, questions and conspiracy theories.”
Just so we’re clear, pretty much everyone at this point has agreed that 1) prostate cancer is easily detectable, 2) it moves slowly, particularly in a man Biden’s age, and 3) Stage 4 — specifically Stage 4B, where it has spread to the bones — means that it has been active for a while.
Now, fine: I guess that makes for decent clickbait, because click I did. Maybe they found some real wackos out there, blaming the whole thing on fluoridated water, UFOs, and the Rosicrucians. Nope.
What they found were prominent political figures — mostly Republicans — who were noting that 1) the Bidens hadn’t been forthcoming about the former president’s health and 2) a sitting president who was seeking four more years in the office while having cancer and likely dementia is somehow even worse than just a presidential candidate who simply had likely dementia. Because, apparently, it’s crazy talk to say the same people who lied to you about the president’s health, who are giving you information that doesn’t comport with the known facts of a disease’s normal natural progression, are perhaps lying to you again.
The Post started, naturally, with President Trump, who expressed his sympathies but “also questioned why it wasn’t caught earlier.”
Are Joe Biden and his family lying about when his cancer diagnosis was made?
“That test is standard to pretty much anybody getting a physical, a good physical,” he said. “We had the doctors at the White House and over at Walter Reed, which is a fantastic hospital. I do it — I did a very complete physical, including cognitive tests.”
The outlet then noted that Trump “inaccurately referred to Biden’s diagnosis as ‘stage 9,’ an apparent reference to a pathology report giving his cancer a Gleason score of 9” — sorry, I didn’t know that being familiar with the Gleason Scale was necessary to notice very obvious facts — and then (gasp!) “also questioned Biden’s cognitive ability.”
“If you take a look, it’s the same doctor that said that Joe was cognitively fine, there was nothing wrong with him,” Trump said. “If it’s the same doctor who said there was nothing wrong there, that’s being proven to be a sad situation. … The doctor said he’s just fine. And it’s turned out that’s not so. It’s very dangerous.”
Which is essentially blowing up your entire headline, if you’re going to hinge it on the fact that he “questioned Biden’s cognitive ability” — because that’s the one thing right now we definitely don’t question. It wasn’t there. Finis. Gone. Senile. Unable to compute. Doddering. Non compos mentis. What word or combination of them can possibly convey just how mentally checked out the man who was supposed to be running the most powerful nation in the free world probably was?
Remember, Biden’s diagnosis was announced at a point equidistant between the release of the interview with special counsel Robert Hur in October 2023 on Friday — which included numerous pauses and slurred speech that made things sound infinitely worse than the transcript, which was already bad — and the release of the much anticipated exposé “Original Sin: President Biden’s Decline, Its Cover-up, and His Disastrous Choice to Run Again” by Jake Tapper and Alex Thompson, which has been hyped as the most thorough insider journalistic examination thus far of how bad it all was.
From these facts alone, we can grasp that Biden’s cognitive ability has already been determined at zero-point-zero, at least for the job he held. Which is why we’re now questioning why a prostate cancer diagnosis, which should have been caught years ago, is suddenly being revealed at this very moment.
But wait, there’s more: GOP Rep. Ronny Jackson of Texas, a former physician to the president under George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and Donald Trump, also took note of the uncomfortable truth that facts are facts.
“Unbelievable this was missed, but the truth is, his physician was more concerned about assisting with the political cover up than providing world class medical care,” he said on social media.
Sad and unfortunate and I wish the former President the best in his treatment of this cancer. Care at the White House should be second to none. Unbelievable this was missed, but the truth is, his physician was more concerned about assisting with the political cover up than…
— Ronny Jackson (@RonnyJacksonTX) May 18, 2025
But then came the unfortunate part: Dr. Ezekiel Emanuel, who was on Biden’s COVID Advisory Board and is the brother of Rahm Emanuel, also said Biden “probably” had prostate cancer “at the start of his presidency in 2021,” and that this “did not develop … in the last 100, 200 days.”
But worry not! He’s not one of the crazy ones, he swears:
Emanuel said later in an interview with The Post that the point he was trying to make is that the kind of cancer Biden had was “present” during his time in office “because this kind of cancer doesn’t develop overnight.”
“I didn’t say that there was a conspiracy,” Emanuel said. “I was very clear that he did have cancer, that’s a fact. That he knew or didn’t know, I don’t know and they don’t know.” Emanuel added that he “should have” clarified that his point “doesn’t mean the president knew” he had cancer.
Right. Back to the crazies — i.e., the people who can safely be identified as Republicans.
“What I want to know is how did Dr. Jill Biden miss stage five metastatic cancer or is this yet another coverup???” Donald Trump Jr. posted on X.
What I want to know is how did Dr. Jill Biden miss stage five metastatic cancer or is this yet another coverup??? pic.twitter.com/fSqtDmcX4p
— Donald Trump Jr. (@DonaldJTrumpJr) May 18, 2025
It was nice to note that the Post was forced to acknowledge the subtext here: “Former first lady Jill Biden has a doctorate in education but is not a medical doctor. Trump’s supporters often mocked her for using the honorific when the Bidens were in the White House.” Yes, yes we did, and we will continue to. (But hey — Whoopi Goldberg thought she would make a heck of a surgeon general.)
But perhaps most problematic inclusion, I’m guessing, on team conspiracy theory is radio host Hugh Hewitt: “Is Team Biden accusing the WH physician of malpractice? Or just lying? Again,” he said.
The sudden consensus that men aged 70 and older not get PSA screening is news to me. Annual physicals for ordinary men over 50 involve a blood test which can screen the same blood draw for PSA. It’s nuts to say “Nah, don’t do the PSA.” BTW, PM @netanyahu had prostate surgery in…
— Hugh Hewitt (@hughhewitt) May 19, 2025
Again: Where is the conspiracy theory?
It is a conspiracy fact that the White House actively hid the president’s severely reduced mental and physical capacity from the American people by multifarious acts of subterfuge and media complicity. It is a theory that Biden’s cancer diagnosis, which — as described to the American people via the office of the former president — does not comport with the known facts about the disease he has and the progression timeline it takes, and therefore that it was known about in the White House.
This is not wild speculation; this is just asking whether the medical cover-up we knew took place — which should have disqualified Joe Biden from the Oval Office — was somewhat larger than it already was. The tinfoil hat-wearers they found were … people asking rational questions based on stuff everyone either knows or could discover in two Google searches.
How in the tank are these people? The 46th presidency is no more, and the 46th president’s people have now been proved liars about his medical fitness for the job. The only news that could be gleaned from this is that the Washington Post never ceases to amaze in how deeply in the tank they are for the Democratic Party, no matter how rational the “conspiracy theories” they’re mocking are.
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