If you woke up to the overwhelming stench of Ben Gay and cat urine, that can only mean one thing: your neighborhood has been invaded by a “No Kings” brigade, consisting largely of befuddled elderly people and salad-dodging, testiphobic broads whose hirsute armpit hairlines stretch to their upper lips.
Anybody else noticed all of the liberal boomers marching today for no Kings day?
Did they go raid all of the retirement communities to get people?
Don’t worry, they’ll be done by about 3 o’clock so they can get ready for dinner.
— AmericanPapaBear™ (@AmericaPapaBear) October 18, 2025
While President Donald Trump is busy toppling communist dictators around the world, America’s suicidally socialist Left has once again called on its legions of street thugs to burn, riot, and loot, as they did six years ago for George Floyd.
FACT-O-RAMA! In case you haven’t heard yet, the documentary, The Fall of Minneapolis, asserts that Floyd died of a fentanyl overdose and nothing else. You can watch it HERE for free.
Fortunately for We the People, the meanies from Black Lives Matter (BLM) and their powderpuff non-binary siblings in Antifa have chosen to sit this one out, likely because so many are in prison for grifting from the BLM coffers, or because no one has paid them to run around all helter-skelter and steal Air Jordans, you know, in the name of “justice.”
As a comedian, my first thought was to go to a “No Kings” rally and mock the septugenarian tsotsis and the celibate spinsters carrying professionally made signs, handed out by hundreds of non-governmental organizations (NGOs) that were funded with your tax dollars. I chose instead to stay home, pour a drink of patriotic bourbon, and write about their woefully inept attempts to affect change, and, as a filthy capitalist, make a few bucks at their expense.
For the #NoKings yobbos! pic.twitter.com/MOOEl8I5dZ
— The Kevin Downey, Jr. Show Mon- Fri. 9-11 am EST! (@KDJRadioShow) March 28, 2026
Besides, there was plenty of jollification to be had, like this:
🚨BREAKING: Somebody is flying a plane with a banner that says, “Not a King. He’s your Daddy!”
Classic.
— AmericanPapaBear™ (@AmericaPapaBear) March 28, 2026
Fortunately for the early bird crowd, some Proud Boys were on hand to help them when their geritol had faded. Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio posted this video:
🔴EXCLUSIVE🔴
ProudBoys and J6ers help up a No Kings organizer after he collapsed while the left was nowhere to be found.
My Guys are always humble and forever loyal to 🇺🇸.#NoKings
Credit: @TheAmericanRise pic.twitter.com/JLUFDK5mYv
— Enrique Tarrio (@NobleOne) March 28, 2026
I am starting to feel antiquated as well. I have spent the last 37 years traveling the world, bringing laughs the olde way, with a microphone. These wacky kids with their AI-generated humor are as foreign to me as an old-school VCR clock was to my grandfather, but damn, are they funny:
Bow down before your king, peasants. 🤴 pic.twitter.com/FMnT3Ps1mC
— Planet Of Memes (@PlanetOfMemes) March 28, 2026
Mad bomb shouts to The Babylon Bee for doing what they do:
Dozens Of Injuries Reported At ‘No Kings’ Rally After Multi-Scooter Pileup https://t.co/xAZCqmyO2B pic.twitter.com/tnybbLLTn2
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) March 28, 2026
I believe the number of abortions will drop nationwide if Lefty broads continue to adopt such tonsorial tragedies as this:
This is the haircut No Kings Protesters get before protesting a king that doesn’t exist. pic.twitter.com/FEjd4ddIaP
— Mr. Star Spangled MAGA (@4thOfJuly365) March 28, 2026
I am proud to say that my alcoholic, French-Canadian granny spent her twilight years baking cookies and sucking down highballs, not pretending that she was a frog ruled over by an imaginary king:
Elderly white liberals are out for the No Kings Day protest in Massachusetts
These people sit glued to their mainstream media television screens, get brainwashed, and are now protesting with their walkers
Restore the Smith-Mundt Act pic.twitter.com/f7rFLtffoa
— Wall Street Apes (@WallStreetApes) March 28, 2026
HIGHBALL-O-RAMA! My best memories of Mamie were watching her curse in French as we watched the Canadiens vs the Red Wings (I grew up in Detroit. I was and still am a Wings fan). I was granted the privilege of making her highballs when I was six years old. The recipe was simple: pour one shot of Kessler’s whiskey into a fruit juice glass with one ice cube, top with Canadian Dry ginger ale.
Throwback Harlequinade!
Here is a supposed No Kings Rally from Oct. 18, 2025, in Ferndale, Mich. Little did these ninnyhammers know that 15 days later, on Halloween, ISIS-adoring animals from nearby Dearborn planned to shoot up gay bars in the same town. Trump’s FBI, led by Kash Patel, stopped the Muslim terrorists from killing what could have been hundreds of gay men. Long live the “king.”
No Kings. Ferndale Michigan. Massive crowd. #NoKings pic.twitter.com/HcCAU9YNnE
— Paul Jacobs (@PaulJacobsMedia) October 18, 2025
My personal standards forbid me from attending any rally that involves legendary communists like Jane Fonda and Joy Reid:
🔥🚨JUST IN: Hollywood actress Jane Fonda joined forces with Joy Reid motivate voters to join ‘No Kings’ protests.
“You can protest and look cute while doing it.”
— Dom Lucre | Breaker of Narratives (@dom_lucre) March 28, 2026
At the end of the day, I suspect the Operation Mockingbird media will ludicrously tell their lemmings that their latest No Kings corroboree was a success, though it appears to me that Trump is still their president.
The best news of the day for normal Americans is that this woman below is the best that the Marxists can come up with to rid our nation of the “monarchy” they fear:
We interview a woman at the Fall River ‘No Kings’ protest who claimed that President Trump has death camps in Florida used again illigal immigrants and anyone who hates President Trump. @DonaldTrump pic.twitter.com/KZ8TykDYRj
— Fall River Reporter (@FallRiverReport) March 28, 2026
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