A Grand Entrance Fit for Late Night
On a television show befitting his station — a place fit for comedy, not competence — Eric Swalwell kicked off his run for governor of California on Jimmy Kimmel’s show, where even the lighting seemed as though it was designed to soften a punchline.
The Duke of Flatulence brings an odd blend of ambition and awkwardness to his campaign. Pitching himself as the fighter and protector the state needs, the Duke delivered his announcement with the energy of a man sitting in shock that he was even invited on Kimmel’s show.
Over the years, California has watched many ambitious Democrats grab a microphone, but few have done it with a reputation built not on legislative achievement, but on mishaps that went viral.
The moment set the tone: viewers witnessed a candidate who seemed to hope the applause sign would tell him to pause, letting his answers land as gracefully as a goose on water.
Fang Fang Never Left the Room
Swalwell’s past relationship with Christine Fang, alias Fang Fang, continues to dog him into every new chapter.
Although no charges ever stuck, the imagery remains: A member of Congress linked to a woman accused of being a Chinese intelligence asset now seeks control of the largest state economy in America.
California is always on guard from direct threats from foreign influence aimed at Silicon Valley and defense contractors. A gubernatorial candidate can’t afford associations with judgment and vulnerabilities. Fang Fang’s Former Fool acts differently than other candidates for any political office, using the confidence of someone who could trip over a wireless signal.
Fart Gate: The Moment That Never Dies
Any column about Swalwell is required by karmic law to include an event that’s now etched into internet memory.
A loud “noise” interrupted his thought during a 2019 interview with Chris Matthews; pay attention around 13 seconds into this 20-second clip:
Anybody listening can hear it clearly; social media crowned him, and that crown never loosened. The Duke of Flatulence flatly denied it, insisting he hadn’t noticed anything, but like a bad, soon-to-be-extinct penny, the clip resurfaces whenever his name trends.
California has endured blackouts, budget failures, and political turmoil, yet even the state’s most serious crisis can’t dethrone the staying power of that single broadcast, where the sound “ppffftt!” lives in history.
Leadership requires gravitas: His most famous moment involves a sound effect that launched a thousand memes.
A Record Built on Missed Predictions
There’s a good chance Swalwell would’ve escaped notice but for his role in the impeachment circus. He predicted outcomes with complete confidence, only to watch them crumble.
The Human Error Message rarely missed an opportunity to swing at a microphone during President Donald Trump’s first term. Still, he missed nearly every prediction in attempts to build a brand on fiery claims rather than rounded accuracy.
Over time, patterns form: speak loudly, miss wildly, move on without accountability. California already deals with enough politicians who offer certainty without results. Even though they vote those people into office, they deserve better than reruns of recycled cable news theatrics.
The Mortgage Cloud That Never Cleared
A federal probe years ago involved mortgage irregularities and tax questions surrounding Swalwell. He said they were political attacks, while critics called them “concerning.”
No charges were made, but the shadow stayed. When a governor candidate enters a race with unresolved controversies, they risk becoming another chapter in the long book of Sacramento embarrassments.
The state faces fiscal strain, pressure from outmigration, deep budget mismanagement, and a gubernatorial candidate can’t afford credibility gaps. Voters want someone who closes loopholes, not someone tied to unresolved financial chatter.
A Comedy Campaign for a State in Crisis
Housing collapses and rising crime are among the main struggles California faces: wildfire seasons grow longer, water management issues worsen, and infrastructure frays. These are serious issues that demand serious leadership.
Instead, in some Quixotic form, the biography of the Flatulence in High Definition says otherwise: While California burns, Swalwell offers a campaign fueled by moments that play like late-night reruns.
Swalwell offers comedy when serious times demand competence.
It’s an ever-widening divide that grows each time he shares his campaign platform.
Final Thoughts
If you’re a resident of California, can you afford to gamble on a man whose career highlights include a Chinese spy scandal, the “pffttt!” heard around the world, and a streak of political predictions that aged as poorly as milk in the Mojave?
A governor-elect, especially in a state circling in the water, needs steadiness, humility, and earned authority. Of the three characteristics, Swalwell delivers exactly none of the above.
California deserves better candidates than the Human Error Message, a man still trying to outrun a breeze.
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