All mothers remember their child’s favorite games. Some do so with relish, others not so much.
My mom, as she will not tiring of telling anyone when the subject arises, is in the latter category. In my youth, my favorite game was a Nintendo cartridge called “Tecmo Super Bowl,” one of the first video games featuring all (then) 28 NFL teams.
The game didn’t have a pause button, so if one of the players needed to go to the bathroom or attend to other things, you just simply wouldn’t snap the ball and wait for the next play. The problem is that one of the showpieces of the game was that it had a digitized sound sample — a big deal in the days of the humble NES — of the quarterback saying “HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT” over and over again until you snapped the ball. The repetitive effect is not quite as soothing as one of those rain-sound loops people use to fall asleep, I’ll give it that much.
These frequent pauses before the snap — and the concomitant sound sample repeating ad nauseam — led my mother to snap, to the point where she once hallucinated the sound in her dreams and stormed down the hallway, ready to upbraid me for playing Nintendo in the middle of the night, only to find me sound asleep and the TV off. Like I said: It’ll leave an impression on parents, for better or worse.
At least in the case of President Donald Trump, his mom remembered vividly what he liked as a child — and it’s a bit what you might expect.
In 1992, she spoke on the subject to New York broadcasting legend Ernie Anastos, who hosted a national program called “America Wants to Know” for a time. One of the people they wanted to know about: Trump and what his favorite games were as a child.
Trump is a great deal older than me, so I’m guessing “Tecmo Super Bowl” probably wasn’t in the cards. (If your love of The Donald overlaps with your love of the game, however, there actually exists a hacked version of it that uses USFL teams — the short-lived but exciting 1980s NFL competitor, where Trump was an owner — so you can play as Trump’s New Jersey Generals if you so choose. Just saying.)
However, it’s inarguably the two most Trumpy answers ever: Monopoly and building blocks.
“He played Monopoly — yes, indeed,” Mary Trump said. “He played with his brother; he played with Robert.
“But, more than Monopoly, he played with building blocks,” she added. “Always with building blocks.”
Who do you think was the better father, Donald Trump or Joe Biden?
There you have it: He built stuff and learned resource management, as his mom remembered. Clearly not a Democrat. My only disappointment is that 4D chess wasn’t a thing back in the day, because it would’ve been a hoot to add that to the pile, as well.
She also noted that, while her son’s empire was building and/or contracting, depending on the circumstances, he always had time for a visit.
“He comes very often,” Mary Trump said. “At least once a week. He comes for dinner. He likes his mother’s cooking.”
In other words, a dutiful son. Happy Mother’s Day in Heaven, Mrs. Trump.
It does make you wonder, however — what were Democrats’ favorite games as a child?
Take Joe Biden. Perhaps he was into Lincoln Logs — as in, the actual ones the Lincoln family was using to build its log cabin back in the 19th century. He’s not quite the manual labor guy, though — although he occasionally entertains fantasies of the sort — so that’s out of the question.
Illegal Alien Candy Land? It’s like Candy Land, but once you cross the border — as in, the first move — you win, and you keep getting candy. Or ice cream. Double chocolate chip, probably.
Or, Duck, Duck, Corn Pop. That’s a little more dangerous — because as we know, Corn Pop was a bad dude. So, once you get tapped, you get to chase Joe with a straight razor until he talks you down with a chain. This is clearly a game that happened. No joke, folks. Where’s Jackie?
Actually, one game we can definitely say Biden played is Plagiarism and Ladders. See, those of you with short memories might not recall that Biden was pretty much at the top of the Democratic field in the 1988 primary sweepstakes until it was discovered he plagiarized a huge portion of a speech from then-British Labour Party leader Neil Kinnock. After having taken the ladder to the top of the polls, the plagiarism sent him down the chutes when it was further discovered he plagiarized some of his university work, too.
He kept on doing it, too — which, toward the end, was likely for the best, because what was coming out of his mouth at that juncture probably should have been copied anyway:
JOE BIDEN: “In beer brew here… Huh ish issah use to make the brew beer here.. Issh Weer-fining… Oooooh Earth Rider… Thanks for the Great Lakes!” pic.twitter.com/qfHeoIxEj1
— The First (@TheFirstonTV) January 25, 2024
And what about some other Democrats?
AOC: Probably “Sim City,” but with the cheat code that gives you unlimited money enabled and the police department entirely defunded. Building blocks and Monopoly, alas, involve reality and actually creating property without going bankrupt.
Bill Clinton: Intern hide-and-seek, and please don’t seek. Seriously, Hillary, there’s no one in here. Don’t check under the desk.
Hillary, for that matter: Pin the tail on Russia.
Tim Walz: Pretends he really liked “Duck Hunt” for the NES, but he’s too scared to touch the light gun controller.
Nancy Pelosi: Would you believe there’s seriously a game called “Wall Street Kid” for the Nintendo, too? This isn’t facetious, unlike (sorry to break the illusion for the Democrats readying the all-caps correction email) the rest of the second half of this article. I received it from a relative one Christmas, and let me tell you from (short, but enough) experience: It’s unbelievably putrid shovelware, but there’s — again, not making this up — an in-game adviser who gives you inside tips on what to buy. Nancy seems a bit old for this experience as a child, and yet … I’ll leave it out there. It feels like too much of a coincidence to ignore.
Kamala Harris: “I love games. Games are a thing — a thing which you play, which is why you call them games, of course. And the thing with games — they can be big, they can be small, which is why games are games of all sorts, and we need to be accepting of them. And we all, all think games are games, and we all need to get joy from games. Which is why games are joyful. And joy and games — that, together, is why we will win in November, even if we don’t, because we need togetherness. I’m sorry, what was the question?”
Bernie Sanders: “Grand Theft Everything.”
Jill Biden: “And I know you think that Joe’s favorite game is a funny thing, that you make fun of this ‘Illegal Alien Candy Land’ stuff, but this is a brilliant man who did wonderful things for the country. He hasn’t lost a step. The fact is, he plays 5D chess against grandmasters — and even though he has them at checkmate, he lets them win, because that’s the kind of empathetic guy America needed in this election, not some Monopoly-playing, building-block obsessed kid. Isn’t that right, Joe?”
Joe Biden: “HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT …”
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