It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written one of these, so I figured we were due for another look at the silliness that progressive churches engage in. A few weeks ago, I shared a musical-themed column, and I have another one. Think of this as Progressive Christianity 2: Electric Bugaloo.
Last Sunday was May 4, which is Star Wars Day, and I’m sure some churches worked some Star Wars content into their sermons. In elementary school, my best friend and I bonded over our Star Wars fandom, and we were convinced that Star Wars was a Christian allegory because the Force represented the Holy Spirit. What can I say? Third graders don’t have well-developed theology.
Instead of Star Wars gimmicks, my church decided to honor volunteers with a wonderful breakfast of biscuits, gravy, sausage, and grits — and it was so good! But Middlebury Congregational Church, a Connecticut congregation affiliated with the ultra-liberal United Church of Christ, chose to pay homage to Star Wars in the most inappropriate way.
The church, whose website informs potential visitors that masks are optional (gee thanks), says that it “welcome[s] all persons of all sexual orientations, gender expressions, socioeconomic status, family configurations, ages, national origins, races, physical, cognitive, and medical ability, and religious background” and “celebrate[s] God’s inclusive welcome.” Oh, and it has a woman pastor (shocker).
Middlebury Congregational Church takes Communion on the first Sunday of the month, which dovetails with Star Wars Day this month. What else would a church do but program a track from the Star Wars soundtrack as ushers pass out the elements?
Middlebury Congregational Church (UCC) plays Star Wars’ ‘The Force Theme’ during communion for their Sunday Sermon pic.twitter.com/ehg4UgQlU5
— Protestia (@Protestia) May 6, 2025
Look, as much as I love John Williams’ scores for the Star Wars films, this just isn’t the right time or place to play any of them.
Related: Progressive Christianity Watch: Music (and Rap) Edition
At church, we started a series on Jesus’ parables this past Sunday. I don’t know if the parable of the barren fig tree is one of the ones we’ll go over:
And he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. And he said to the vinedresser, ‘Look, for three years now I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and I find none. Cut it down. Why should it use up the ground?’ And he answered him, ‘Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and put on manure. Then if it should bear fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.’”
Luke 13:6-9 (ESV)
According to the ESV Study Bible, “This parable symbolizes Israel’s last opportunity to repent before experiencing God’s judgment.” But not according to the pastor at this unidentified United Methodist Church. Instead, this guy says the parable is about capitalism while he’s dressed as a fig tree.
United Methodist pastor (dressed as a fig tree) vehemently disagrees with Jesus about the barren fig tree in Luke 13, insisting it actually WAS bearing fruit, was NOT barren, and that to suggest otherwise is a product of rampant and evil capitalist conditioning. pic.twitter.com/A7yN5ZbQdu
— Protestia (@Protestia) May 9, 2025
And to drive his point home, he and two associates perform a musical number — because don’t we all do this?
“Of all of Jesus’ parables, I’ve always chosen away from this one. There’s not much to it, and quite honestly, it’s a little bit boring.”
Methodist pastor creates a musical to spice up and retell the story of the barren fig tree, which he argues, wasn’t barren at all. pic.twitter.com/GJNB59bWti
— Protestia (@Protestia) May 9, 2025
This doesn’t just bother me as a Christian because he misses the point; it also offends me as a massive Les Mis fan. I hope these fools get hit with a copyright violation.
Related: Progressive Christianity Watch: Winnie the Pooh Edition
Some churches write their own worship songs. In the case of The Well Church in Gilbert, Ariz., maybe they shouldn’t.
The Well bills itself as “a nondenominational, progressive Christian church” and has a ministry called WELLGBTQ+. (The church had to add a “kid-friendly” version of it, so what was the ministry doing before?) The video clips at the top of the church’s homepage feature two female worship leaders with buzz cuts as well.
Check out the lyrics to one of The Well’s worship songs:
God bless the Christian
God bless the atheist
God bless the Muslim
God bless the rest of us
We’ve got no idea what we’re doing
We’ll never make it on our own
We’ve got too much dark inside of us
We’ll never make it on our own
Keep us all close
Every one of us close
Don’t let anyone go
Let all our friends in
And all our enemies
All of our children
All of our families
We’ve got no idea what we’re doing
We’ve tried to find You
Throughout the centuries
Different religions
In different countries
We’ve got no idea what we’re doing
We’ve got no idea what we’re doing
We’ll never make it on our own
We’ve got too much dark inside of us
We’ll never make it on our own
Keep us all close
Every one of us close
Don’t let anyone go
We’ve never heard a worship song quite like this before
🎶God bless the christian
God bless the atheist
God bless the muslim
God bless the rest of us
We’ve got no idea
What we’re doingLet all our friends in
And all our enemies
All of our children
All of our families
We’ve got… pic.twitter.com/gVpG59afkc— Protestia (@Protestia) May 7, 2025
The operative line in that song is “We’ve got no idea what we’re doing” — because they don’t have a clue. It’s bad not only because it hints at universalism but also because it simply doesn’t make any sense.
Stay tuned for more exposure of the craziness of progressive Christianity. I pray that none of these songs get stuck in your head.
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