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Aw, When Academia Runs Right Into the FO Part of FA – HotAir

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July 23, 2025
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$50,000 For Information On ICE Raid Shooter – HotAir

HELP! HELP! HE’S BEEN KIDNAPPED!

That was the hue and cry after the rowdy raid on the California pot farm a couple of weeks ago, when a goofy-looking, ‘wouldn’t hurt a flea’ type Cal State Channel Islands professor got himself kidnapped by armed, masked thugs.





I mean, look at that dork. He wouldn’t hurt a fly, right?

Now, I had never heard of the fine institution he blesses with his benevolent presence, tenderly twisting tender young minds into pretzels of radical thinking, but my dear friend Dr Alice came through for me.

Explains everything. He sounds like he spreads your classic amount of radical guano in the classroom.

The fear and loathing among Guano’s peeps was so pervasive, the local Communists even did, like, this video tribute to their disappeared hero.

WHERE, OH, WHERE HAS OUR GUANO JONA GONE? 

WHERE OH WHERE CAN HE BE?





Aw. And a baby. Tugs at your heart.

LET GUANO JONA GO FOR THE CHILDREN!!!! 

(Hmm. Maybe there should be some punctuation in there. Sounds bad.)

Although being Communists, they weren’t quite as touchy-feely. They had some difficulty maintaining the almost PBS-like empathy of their little flick’s voice-over with the promo for the Our Hero Guano Jona film.

CSU Channel Islands professor Jonathan Anthony Caravello was arrested & disappeared by ICE in Camarillo yesterday. 4 pigs dragged Jonathan away without giving the reason for arrest and without disclosing where they are taking him. His whereabouts are still unknown. Please boost.

Yeesh.

Teachers across CA were looking for Guanoman, begging for information.

The only thing they didn’t have was Guano Jona’s face on recycled soy milk cartoons across the state.

In any event, it all ended in one of those heart-tugging scenes that hardly ever happen in real life. Dirty, smelly hippie reunites with family after being kidnapped by narco-traffickers for a pot-related incident.





Even the local Communist labor union is teary-eyed.

Well, then you find out what the kidnap victim really did.

Have I mentioned that the new US Attorney for CA, Bill Essayli, is tha bomb?

Well, he is.

LIES! HE WAS PROTECTING THE INFIRM AND CRIPPLED!!!

Welp. Those darn body cameras are the worst thing when it comes to busting a romantic story, dammit.





Sir Gala-Guano was caught live and on-camera doing nothing of the sort.

…The affidavit claims that Caravello was seen holding a “megaphone” walking along the yellow police tape, “loudly playing a siren sound” towards agents.

Protestors then later began throwing “rocks” at government vehicles, causing “large-scale damage, including broken windows, broken side view mirrors, and frame damage to the vehicles.”

As the escalation continued, agents deployed tear gas among the protestors to disperse them. Caravello was allegedly caught on an agent’s body camera footage attempting to “kick the canister,” but missed.

“Caravello turned around, ran towards the canister, picked it up, and threw the canister overhand back at BP agents,” the complaint claims.

“A BP Agent reported that the canister was thrown at law enforcement and recalls that the canister came within approximately several feet above law enforcement’s heads.”

What makes the fed side of the story even more believable is the fact that Prof Guano was charged and bound over in federal court the other day for chucking that tear gas, no frightened wheelchair victim in sight.





It turns out he kicked up quite a fuss when the agents tried to arrest him after he’d left the field, changed clothes, and come back. The body camera footage, again, was what did him in.

Even though what Caravello is charged with – assaulting a federal officer – is considered a simple misdemeanor, it still has a fine of up to $100K and the possibility of up to a year in jail.

It’s heartening they’re not backing off from these arrests and are following through with charging these cretins.

Maybe the Prof’s commie buddies can make another video to raise the fine money for him.

Guano sales haven’t been a thing since Democrats tanked the market with oversupply.

Lawyers in the real FO world cost actual money.


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