The United States has seen its fair share of dumb criminals over the decades, but these two guys may rank near the top of the list. And they’re not even from Florida. Not only is what they did ridiculous, but it’s also pretty disgusting.
According to the Department of Justice (DOJ), 21-year-old Gavin Rivers Weisenburg of Allen, Texas and 20-year-old Tanner Christopher Thomas of Argyle, Texas, spent a year devising themselves a little plan that involved taking over part of the island nation of Haiti.
Between August 2024 and July 2025, the two young men “are alleged to have conspired to recruit and lead an unlawful expeditionary force to the Island of Gonâve, which is part of the Republic of Haiti, for the purpose of carrying out their rape fantasies.”
Gonâve Island sits just northwest of Port-au-Prince in the Gulf of Gonâve, and it’s one of Hispaniola’s largest satellite islands at 266.26 square miles. It’s home to just under 90,000 people, and at times the residents of the island have pushed to become an independent nation to improve their own economic conditions.
If Weisenburg and Thomas had gotten their way, the island’s inhabitants might have gained independence from Haiti, but I don’t think this gross little scheme is exactly what they had in mind.
The two “planned to purchase a sailboat, firearms, and ammunition, then recruit members of the District of Columbia-area homeless population to serve as a mercenary force as they invaded Gonâve Island and staged a coup d’état.” Once they had their homeless army in place, they would “murder all of the men on the island so that they could then turn all of the women and children into their sex slaves.”
You can’t make this stuff up. And, quite frankly, I wouldn’t want to.
But here’s the kicker: These two didn’t just fantasize about doing this. They actually went to work preparing. The DOJ says:
Weisenburg and Thomas undertook numerous overt acts in furtherance of their invasion plan, including making operational and logistical plans, learning Haitian Creole language, recruiting others to join the invasion plan, and researching and enrolling in schools to acquire skills relevant to the invasion plan. Thomas even enlisted in the U.S. Air Force to acquire military skills relevant to the invasion plan.
Thomas joining the Air Force may have been their downfall. While he was initially stationed at Ramstein Air Base in Germany, he reportedly ensured himself a new assignment at Andrews Air Base in Maryland so he could be closer to D.C. to recruit his army. He spoke to Weisenburg about it via social media. From what I understand, his strange behavior led to an investigation from the U.S. Air Force Office of Special Investigations.
Last week, the two were named in a two-count indictment returned by a federal grand jury in the Eastern District of Texas. The counts are conspiracy to murder, maim, or kidnap in a foreign country and production of child pornography.
If convicted of the federal conspiracy to commit murder in a foreign country, they face up to life in prison. The child pornography charges could add 15 to 30 years.
Here are some pictures of these two winners in case you’re interested:
Federal prosecutors say two Texans, Gavin Rivers Weisenburg, 21, and Tanner Christopher Thomas, 20, allegedly plotted to recruit homeless people as a mercenary “army” to seize Haiti’s Gonâve Island, kill the men, and enslave women and children, allegedly planning to buy a… pic.twitter.com/wn9Dbjvqee
— Breaking911 (@Breaking911) November 24, 2025
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