The next time a senator gets caught insider trading, or a presidential candidate says something breathtakingly narcissistic, or a governor smiles while bankrupting your business “for your safety,” try to resist the urge to clutch your pearls. Take a breath. Because the truth is, you voted for this. Maybe not them specifically, but the type. You voted for a psychopath — or someone in the neighborhood — and you’ll probably do it again.
Now, I’m not talking about a knife-wielding, serial-killing, Ted Bundy psychopath (although he was charming). I’m talking about the high-functioning, camera-ready, preternaturally confident variety — the kind of person who can ruin lives with a pen stroke and still sleep like a baby. According to Oxford psychologist Kevin Dutton, these “functional psychopaths” aren’t lurking in alleys. They’re walking the halls of Congress, chairing committees, and grinning at fundraisers in $6,000 suits. And what’s worse? They might be good at it.
Dutton’s research — based on something called the PPI-R psychopathy scale — scored American presidents on a spectrum of psychopathic traits. Not serial-killer stuff, mind you. Traits like fearless dominance, emotional detachment, and superficial charm. You know: leadership qualities. Franklin D. Roosevelt? High scorer. JFK? A natural. Bill Clinton? Please. Off the charts. Donald Trump? Scored higher than Adolf Hitler. And before you say “Fake news!” — Oxford University says so.
But here’s the kicker: it’s not even necessarily a bad thing. These aren’t the psychopaths who stab strangers in a Walmart parking lot. These are the ones who stare down a geopolitical crisis without blinking. The ones who say, “I alone can fix it,” and almost make you believe it. In other words, they’re exactly the kind of people our broken political machine was designed to promote.
And why wouldn’t they rise? The electoral system rewards boldness over humility, shamelessness over honesty, charm over conscience. Want to succeed in politics? Don’t get squeamish when asked to destroy a whistleblower or gaslight your entire voter base. Smile. Lie. Repeat. Meanwhile, decent people — those with empathy and integrity — tap out after one committee meeting. It’s no place for the emotionally healthy.
But here’s where it gets rich. Once these psychopaths are in power — consolidating influence, passing laws that enrich their stock portfolios, casually selling your data to defense contractors — we feign shock. He lied to us! She sold out! They used our tax dollars to fund cocaine-fueled climate conferences in Dubai! Yes. Because that’s what psychopaths do. And we gave them the keys to the country club.
In fact, they’re so comfortable in power, they don’t even pretend anymore. Why should they? They know you’ll forget by the next election cycle. They know the media will cover for them. They know that if they wrap their corruption in a flag or a virtue signal, you’ll look the other way. And when they leave office? They’ll slide into seven-figure speaking gigs, book deals, and Netflix documentaries about their “legacy.”
Meanwhile, you’re sitting there, $6.87 in your bank account, wondering how your senator just bought his third lake house on a government salary. (Spoiler alert: he didn’t use coupons.) According to studies in Behavioral Sciences and Frontiers in Psychology, individuals with psychopathic and Machiavellian traits are more likely to pursue — and succeed in — roles that offer power, prestige, and zero accountability. Sound familiar?
So no, it’s not a fluke. It’s a feedback loop. The system favors fearlessness, not fairness. Dominance, not decency. And the voters? We mistake pathological confidence for competence. We confuse slickness for statesmanship. We cheer for the same predators and then act betrayed when they eat us.
You want different results? Stop falling for the charm. Stop mistaking boldness for leadership. Start asking which candidates don’t give you the urge to shower after listening to them speak.
Until then, enjoy the show. Just remember who cast the stars.
