I have a personal theory, which surprises me inasmuch as 1) I haven’t seen it brought up anywhere yet and 2) it’s the only thing that makes a whole lot of political weirdness make sense.
The theory is this: Gavin Newsom, or someone on his comms team, owes a lot of money to the wrong people, and they plan to make it up by placing a huge bet against the California governor in the 2028 Democratic presidential race on the prediction markets.
My proof of this is only circumstantial, I’ll admit, inasmuch as his team seems to be following the same strategy of capturing the nomination that Messrs. Bialystock and Bloom followed to capture a profit off their play “Springtime for Hitler” in Mel Brooks’ film “The Producers” — namely, not only not trying to get it, but actively avoiding it by any means possible and/or necessary. But it fits.
I only have to point to just the past week for enough circumstantial evidence to pass for summary judgment among Oliver Stone conspiracy theory types. Take, for example, the fact that conservatives are fond of calling Newsom “Patrick Bateman,” a reference to the yuppie serial killer protagonist of “American Psycho.” Part of this is because Newsom bears a striking resemblance to Christian Bale’s portrayal in the movie adaptation, but part of it is that we could see him as the type of profoundly amoral social register failson who kills women by aiming chainsaws at them and then dissolving their bodies in acid.
Not only did they try to dispel this, but here’s Newsom’s X account on Tuesday:
For so many years people have been saying that Patrick Bateman and I look alike. Now this pic has been going all over the place. What do you think? pic.twitter.com/K5j4vKNzUL
— Gavin Newsom (@GavinNewsom) March 24, 2026
Ahahaha, man, aren’t misogynistic serial killers hilarious? Let’s see that business card, Gavin. Romalian typeface? Watermark?
Okay, so that’s bad enough for one week. Which is why they didn’t stop there.
On Tuesday night, Benny Johnson — radio show host and Turning Point USA creative director — appeared on Fox News to talk about how California is quickly becoming the next Minnesota in terms of entitlement fraud scams. Apparently, Johnson said, he got a call from Newsom’s office about it.
“There is a reason Gavin Newsom looks so terrified right now. He should be,” Johnson posted on X.
And in came Newsom, or at least his comms team, to make things worse: “We got a call from Grindr after this and said your team was their biggest users. Congrats!”
We got a call from Grindr after this and said your team was their biggest users. Congrats! https://t.co/Oz0VtoB4Ww
— Governor Newsom Press Office (@GovPressOffice) March 25, 2026
For those of you not in on the joke, such as it is, 1) Grindr is a gay hookup app and 2) there have been mostly unsubstantiated rumors about Johnson’s sexual preferences prior to and during his marriage, which mostly went viral after a rant by former Breitbart gadfly Milo Yiannopoulos on Tim Pool’s podcast, in which he went into the alleged details of it in some detail.
I suppose it’s worth noting that one can only call these rumors mostly unsubstantiated inasmuch as there have been sources not named Yiannopoulos who have vouched for there at least being whispers regarding Johnson for some time.
That being said, Newsom is a woke governor who hails from the gay capital of America, and his way of hitting back is effectively “LOL UR A HOMO”? This is an anonymous post from your high school’s message board back in 2001, not a guy angling for the Oval Office.
Also a problem: For someone throwing around accusations about homosexual behavior on apps, Newsom himself apparently followed — on his official X account — what appears to have been a gay prostitute who went under the handle @F***s4Drugs, used the name “Chemslut,” had an avatar of him shirtless and holding a syringe in his teeth, and said in his profile that he was there for “Chems and c***s.”
After U.S. Politics Alert — an account dedicated to “what the US govt. accounts, politicians and related personalities do, say, follow and delete on social media” — discovered this back when it happened in February, Newsom unfollowed and the account was suspended for violating platform rules.
(For those of you who are curious, BTW, “chemsex” is the practice — typically among gay men — of having sex under the influence of hard drugs, usually methamphetamine. The name would imply that he was trading one for the other, hence gay prostitution.)
However, the internet is forever, and so were memories after the Benny Johnson/Grindr remark:
WARNING: The following posts contain vulgar language that some viewers will find offensive.
I mean, this happened. https://t.co/IecJyqtkZ9 pic.twitter.com/zit651bw0s
— Stephen L. Miller (@redsteeze) March 26, 2026
Looks like hanging out with Soros at Davos got Gavin Newsom in an adventurous spirit, seeing as he just followed an account called:
“Chemslut.”
Tell us how you really feel @CAgovernor pic.twitter.com/K7IgPKrvMm
— Gunther Eagleman™ (@GuntherEagleman) February 8, 2026
In other words: Maybe Gavin’s throwing stones around a glass closet?
Or maybe this was all part of the master plan. And if Bialystock and Bloom ended up failing in “The Producers” because everyone inadvertently thought their profoundly offensive play was actually a comedy, this is just coming across as creepy at this point. Mission accomplished, I guess, even if this is more gross than even I could have pictured.
But I digress. Whoever owes all that money to the kneecap-artists, cheer up: At this rate, Uncle Polymarket is definitely gonna come through for you. Whether it’ll save the governor or his cronies from the fraud inquiry is another matter entirely. Maybe a Hollywood Bowl charity performance of “Springtime for Hitler” could get him out of that mess? Just spitballing here.
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