Top O’ the Briefing
Happy Wednesday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. The Sine Qua Non Sequitur is the keynote speaker at a self-actualization gathering of itinerant marmoset groomers.
I hope everyone had a good St. Patrick’s Day, whether you chose to get your Irish on or not. Last year, I decided to get experimental with my corned beef and cabbage preparation, which turned out so poorly that it brought shame upon my family. Yesterday I went back to basics and pretty much achieved perfection.
This is going to be a quick one today, but I just couldn’t resist avoiding this story. It is the rarest of occasions when I’ll see a headline for one of our stories and immediately think, “Well, there we are then,” regarding what I will lead off with here at the top.
One of the most interesting and/or odd things about Operation Epic Fury/Roaring Lion has been the speculation about who is leading Iran after the death of Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. Once it was confirmed that his son Mojtaba would be succeeding him, rumors were running wild about the state of his health. No one was sure if he was all dead, half dead, a quarter dead, or fit as a fiddle and looking to relocate somewhere with fewer bombs. That’s still the case. It’s been quite a bizarre sideshow to seriousness of the war.
Well, the whole thing just got weirder. This is from Rick:
U.S. intelligence believes that the new Iranian Supreme Leader, Mojtaba Khamenei, is gay.
Trump was briefed on this intelligence tidbit last week and reportedly burst out laughing with the rest of his national security team.
The irony is lost on no one. Iran executes men for being gay, and for the Islamic Republic to countenance a gay man as Supreme Leader is the height of cynicism and hypocrisy.
Three sources told the New York Post of the intelligence, saying that the information was credible and not a rumor intended to undermine Khamenei the Younger.
The intelligence on Khamenei’s sexual orientation only adds to the speculative frenzy about the Leader’s health and whereabouts. Is he dead? Is he in a coma? While senior officials will only say he’s alive and in charge, the rumor mill in Tehran is working overtime.
I mean, COME ON, this is too much. A gay Ayatollah? A Gayatollah, if you will? Yes, it’s a war, but now it’s also a Monty Python sketch that’s writing itself. I can picture President Trump guffawing at the news — it’s one of those allegedly “non-presidential” things that he does which I find so entertaining.
Please believe me, dear readers, that I desperately want to be more mature about this story because this is a newsletter, after all. Then again, I am the snarky opinion guy around here and you’re all familiar with my observational peculiarities. Please know that my tongue is being figuratively bitten to avoid any fanciful pictures I might want to paint about a mullah bath house that pipes in Adam Lambert music all day.
It’s raining men…Ayatollah!
OK, I’ll stop now. On a more serious, less Rainbow Mafia note, the rest of Iranian leadership is having verifiable health issues The translation of this post on X sums it up well: “We’ve reached the point where if you’re an Iranian official and Israel hasn’t killed you yet, it’s a bit insulting.”
This is from my good friend and partner in thought crime Stephen Green:
Ali Larijani, the closest thing Iran’s Islamic Republic currently has (er, had) to a political leader, is believed dead following an Israeli airstrike Tuesday. And that’s just the start of today’s good news concerning Operation Epic Fury/Roaring Lion.
It seems like only yesterday [It was only yesterday, Steve —Editor] that we discussed how Iran’s regime losses — from the topmost echelons all the way down to Basij street-thug enforcers — make the country increasingly ripe for regime change.
If Mojtaba is still alive, he will be presiding over some very small staff meetings once he’s recovered.
Hey, he’ll always have Adam Lambert.
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This should have been yesterday’s clip but, what the heck, let’s keep the St. Patrick’s Day vibe going.
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