Let’s Celebrate – PJ Media

The problem with hosting gatherings these days is that people make it far more stressful than it needs to be. In this column, you’ll discover my go-to tips for throwing parties, some recipes, and decoration ideas, all in time for this weekend’s epic birthday celebration: America’s 250th. 

The very first thing to do before any event is to understand your why: Why am I going through this effort? Folks, we are all patriots around here, but let us remember how truly remarkable the American experiment is. A swath of poor (many times indentured) people looking for an escape from hardships ranging from starvation to religious worship arrived in a land without infrastructure, without law or order, without permission, without proof they would survive and went on to lay the foundation of today’s global giant. 

Next, pick a day and time that works for you, not everyone else. Just like the Americans decided to storm Fort York in what is now known as the Battle at York (April 27, 1813), you make the decision. Do you want plenty of downtime after the event? 12 p.m. Do you have the perfect view of a local fireworks show? 6 p.m. You get the idea. 

Now, before you send out that invitation, you need to make a menu because the good friends will ask what they can bring, and you need to be ready. Here is my framework:

• Easy to replenish snack
• Appetizer that can start hot and end cold
• Something in a slow cooker
• Something that does not require cooking
• Main for a group
• Green vegetable side
• Starch side
• Fruit dessert
• Chocolate dessert
• Drinks

Before you think that’s an entire week’s worth of grocery budget for one day, remember, people will ask if they can help and you shouldn’t feel obligated to limit them to a bag of ice — they’re asking because they want to contribute. Let them.

Send out the invitations, which should not be more than a generic text you copy and paste to your friends: America 250, y’all! [American flag emoji] Party at my house Saturday @ 5. Prepare for epic [fill in the blank]. As people respond and ask what they can bring, go down the list. A bag of chips and your favorite salsa. A pack of cocktail franks and a jar of sauce. A block of Velveeta and a can of Rotel. A box of cookies. A salad kit. None of that is too much to ask. Before you feel guilty, remember George Washington asked his troops to bring their own weapons, ammunition, uniforms, horses, and food to battle.

Make sure you have serving dishes, disposable cups and plates, plastic utensils, and, if you don’t, get yourself to your local bargain store. This week, the bright yellow sign with black lettering (you know the one I’m talking about) has digital coupons that save up to 25% on festive paper products and a “just because” $5 off $25 sale. No one has to know you went there if that sort of thing bothers you; just make sure you put the bright yellow plastic sacks in the bottom of your recycle bin. This is supposed to be fun, not a mortgage payment.

While you’re at that bargain store, go ahead and grab containers for leftovers that you can send home with friends. Not only will this ease the cleanup, but it will also help your fridge space situation. This is a great place for cheap, silly prizes, too.

On to the main stage: Let’s talk about food! I like easy and tasty. If I am making time tables for something like this, I’m working too hard. You don’t have to make everything from scratch. Read that again. There is a time and a place for Beef Wellington and twice-baked potato puffs, but maybe this isn’t it. 

Appetizer that can start hot and end cold: Sweet Heat Nugs

• Grilled boneless chicken bites
• 1 jar pepper jelly
• 5 peppers of your choice (I like poblano, cubanelle, anaheim, red bell, and shishito)
• Lime
• Toothpicks

1. Seed and dice the peppers into pieces a little smaller than the nuggets.
2. Put the peppers and nuggets into a baking dish.
3. Spoon the pepper jelly over the top of the chicken (don’t worry about clumps).
4. Bake according to the directions on the bag (usually 12-15 minutes at 375º).
5. Squeeze half of the lime over the nuggets and put toothpicks in each nugget for easy serving.

I love this recipe because of how easy it is to make and control the heat. If I want big heat, I’ll use a serrano; if I’m cooking for heat-sensitive people, I’ll use sweet peppers. Use this general idea for whole chicken thighs or pork chops for an easy weeknight dinner.

If you want a kitchy name for these morsels in honor of America’s heritage, I’d recommend either Firecracker Chicken Bites or Red, White, and OOOOOOO Nugs. 

Main for a group: Better with Time Ribs

• Ribs
• Salt
• 3/4 c dark brown sugar
• 3/4 c white sugar
• 1/2 c paprika (sweet or smoked, your call)
• 1/4 garlic powder
• 2 T black pepper
• 2 T ground ginger
• 2 T onion powder
• 2 T dried rosemary, crushed
• Yellow mustard
• Foil

1. Pat the ribs dry and remove the silver skin membrane, if that’s your thing; leaving it on won’t hurt you.
2. Season the ribs with salt.
3. Combine all of the remaining dry ingredients in a bowl, breaking up any lumps.
4. Spread yellow mustard all over the ribs as a binder and coat the rack with the dry rub; it’s called a rub for a reason—rub it in there.
5. Wrap in foil and bake at 275 for 2 hours; finish on the grill.

Ribs are easy to freeze, so when they go on sale, I’ll get as many as my budget allows. Allow two days to thaw in the refrigerator. You could bake these the day before your party and throw them on the grill (or pop them in a warm oven) when it’s time to eat.

Go ahead and act a fool: name them Rack-ets Red Glare Ribs. If that’s a bridge too far, there’s always Rib-erty & Justice for All. 

Starch Side: Garden Fresh Corn Salad

• Corn (4 fresh ears are preferred, but 2 bags frozen or 3 cans will work—I go with whatever is on sale)
• 1 cucumber, diced
• 2 red tomatoes & 1 green tomato, chopped
• 1 zucchini, diced
• 1 shallot, sliced
• 1 handful fresh basil (the small plastic clamshell in the produce section is great)
• 1 handful fresh mint (see above)
• 1/2 block feta cheese, cubed
• 2 T rib dry rub
• Red wine vinegar
• Olive oil

1. I like to roast the corn and get a good char on it, but that’s optional. Put all of the corn in a bowl.
2. Add all of the chopped vegetables, herbs, and cheese.
3. In a mixing cup, add enough vinegar to the dry rub to make a paste and then whisk in olive oil until you have a dressing consistency.
4. Pour dressing over the salad and toss to evenly coat.

Because the vegetables will give off juice and water naturally, don’t worry about the salad not being dressed enough; it will be in under an hour.

Personally, I’d call this dish Corn to be Free, but you could choose 250 Ears or pay tribute to America’s favorite colonel with Kernel Sander’s Salad.

Things to do

Every good party has activities, and yours is no exception. Below are a few ideas to get you started:

• Cornhole 
• Water balloons (send kids out to pick up the balloons and have prizes for whoever brings in the most)
• Darts (wall or lawn)
• Community puzzle (literally a puzzle on an empty table open to everyone to assemble)
• Pie contest (knock out the dessert part of the menu by asking people to submit a pie for a contest; have people vote by putting pennies in a cup next to their favorite)
• Sidewalk chalk
• Slip ‘n Slide
• Giant Jenga
• Twister
• Classic American movies (Caddyshack, Ghostbusters, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, etc.)

Now, there is always the dilemma of: What happens if no one shows up? That, my friends, is every host’s concern, and I will never downplay it. We’ve all seen the videos online of people throwing these amazing parties, and no one comes. It’s awful. If this happens to you, go to your neighbors, even if—especially if—you don’t know them and invite them over. All you have to say is that you planned this amazing party and it looks like everyone’s flaking, you don’t want the food to go to waste, and it’d be great to take this lemon and make lemonade with a block party. Take the party into the front yard or, if you’re in an apartment, the communal outdoor area.

We are Americans. We are generous. We are fun. We are patriotic. We are welcoming. Let’s get out there this Independence Day and celebrate our love for this amazing country of ours.

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