Note to Florida Man: If you’re going to rob Florida Woman, make sure she’s not a powerlifter first.
I know, it’s a bit difficult to tell to tell who can deadlift 200 pounds before you grab their purse. Maybe there’s, like, some kind of app that criminals can use to measure bicep circumference and estimated body fat from a distance before they grab a lady’s purse. Of course, it’s more difficult if you’re grabbing it from a victim’s car, as one punk allegedly did, but at least the app could be useful in other cases.
If he ends up being found guilty, then perhaps Luis Machado can work on the app in jail — provided, of course, the prison lets him code on the computers there. Because, if what he did what he’s alleged to have done — and suffered the consequences — he certainly could have used it himself.
According to a report from WTVJ-TV in Miami on Monday, Machado, 41, went viral in a bad way after he was reportedly hunted down by a woman whose bag he’d stolen.
She’d canvassed the area around the crime, then confronted him on a sidewalk after getting into an accident with another car. He found out she didn’t play around — and a black eye in his mug shot indicates just how badly he lost the tussle.
Trending:
Video of the March 29 incident was uploaded Monday to an Instagram account titled “Only in Dade.”
The woman who said Machado stole her bag, 26-year-old waitress Miurell Vargas, said she was at work in the Wynwood section of Miami when she was informed about the break-in.
Is petty crime on the rise in America?
“My window was broken, and my wallet wasn’t there, and neither was my purse,” she told WSVN-TV.
According to WFOR-TV, she then began driving around the area to see if she could see someone carrying her purse.
“It wasn’t because of the cash value,” she said, according to WSVN. “My mom’s picture was in my wallet, and my mom passed away eight years ago, so that was of sentimental value for me that I needed to recover.”
When she spotted a man on the street with her purse, she said, she was “so focused on him” that she didn’t see the other vehicle she collided with.
Machado was seen in his mug shot with a black eye and Vargas was seen on the video punching him — although she said she didn’t know if he got it from her as she tried to separate him from her belongings.
“I didn’t see him,” Vargas said. “I didn’t see him after that.”
“He was yelling [that] it wasn’t my bag and that I was crazy,” she added.
“That made me even more mad because he knew it was my bag. He put his hand behind him so I thought he was gonna pull out a knife or a gun and that’s when I started punching him.”
Now, it’s worth noting that even if you are a powerlifter — and Vargas is, according to WTVJ — it’s not necessarily worth it to go on a car hunt and get in a fight with someone because he’s stolen your bag. Vargas, it was noted, got a ticket for the crash, and admitted she “had so much adrenaline in me that I didn’t think about the consequences.”
“I just want to say ‘sorry’ to the person that I crashed into,” Vargas said. “She gave me a hug. She was very nice. I just want to say ‘sorry’ to her.”
Both vehicles were considered destroyed in the crash, according to WFOR.
Meanwhile, Machado — who, quelle surprise, has a long history of charges including burglary, fraud and drug possession — is charged with burglary, criminal mischief, and petty theft in this case.
According to WTVJ, police say he smashed the window and took the stolen items; he admits to having them but disputes how they came into his possession.
Bad a** Miami power-lifter woman gives Miami thief (41-year-old Luis Machado) a beat down to get back a picture of her MOM🔥
Happy mother’s day mom and your daughter and belongings are safe🙏https://t.co/kcFeayGbcn pic.twitter.com/EveZf1ufrx
— 🇺🇸 ʟᴇғᴛ ᴄᴏᴀˢᴛ ᴠᴀɢʀᴀɴᴛ 🇺🇸 (@Baklava_USA) May 10, 2024
“He admitted to having some of the victim’s property but then he claims he didn’t know how the property became in his possession, which obviously were conflicting statements that didn’t make sense,” said Kiara Delva, a Miami police spokeswoman.
Will a jury buy that? We’ll find out if he decides to stick to that line. One thing’s for sure, though: If they don’t, this Florida Man will have plenty of time to develop that app.
