Here’s an updated version of a very old Jewish joke:
Irving Cohen, age 102, died and went to Heaven.
“Irving,” the Almighty said, “you lived a long and difficult life. Your grandparents were slaughtered by the Cossacks. Your parents were captured by the Nazis. You spent your childhood in a Holocaust camp. When you moved to Israel, your family was attacked by the Arabs in seven separate wars. Your great-granddaughter was murdered by Hamas on October 7. But still, you persevered. As a reward, ask me anything you want!”
The old man thought for a moment.
“God, is it true that the Jews are your Chosen People?”
“Yes, it is.”
“…So maybe next time, you could choose someone else?”
The May 20 Quinnipiac poll revealed the God’s-honest reason why Thomas Massie lost his Kentucky primary to challenger Ed Gallrein:
Among Republicans, 80 percent think Republicans in Congress should be doing more to work with President Trump, while 13 percent think Republicans in Congress should be doing more to stand up to him.
If those numbers had flipped — and 80% of Republicans wanted Congress to “stand up” to President Donald Trump, with just 13% preferring cooperation — Rep. Massie would’ve won in a landslide. His entire brand was built on conflict and contrarianism.
Ed Gallrein wouldn’t have had a chance!
But Massie (badly) misread his constituents: Republicans wanted a congressman who’d help “their” president succeed. Massie was a loud, obnoxious hindrance, so on Election night, the squeaky wheel was replaced.
It’s as simple as that!
Occam’s razor, of course, favors simplicity. (Fun fact: William of Occam was actually clean-shaven.) It’s not an absolute, but most of the time, the explanation that requires the fewest assumptions is correct.
But whereas Occam’s razor is a useful starting point, it sucks on podcasts. (Especially podcasts that promote conspiracies.) You can’t bloviate week after week, telling people what they already know, restating the obvious.
There’s no mystery in that!
So instead, these podcasters claim that the “truth” isn’t what it seems — that there’s a hidden universe of powerful/evil actors pulling the strings from the shadows. Only by listening to their podcasts will you learn what REALLY happened.
This rhetorical sleight-of-hand requires the inversion of Occam’s razor: The simplest explanation is almost always wrong, because that’s the explanation that “they” want you to believe.
Don’t fall for it, America!
When something looks obvious, why, that’s the telltale sign it was a psy-ops campaign from “Epstein class” — those evil elites who (weirdly enough) eat a disproportionately large number of bagels.
Which brings us back to Thomas Massie and the end of his congressional career: Common sense tells us he lost because President Trump asked his district to send him a congressman who’d work with him — instead of against him.
After all, in 2024, Massie’s district voted for Trump 67% to 31%.
Because, despite what the podcasters say, President Trump’s popularity among Republicans is still astonishingly high. THEY may have abandoned MAGA out of opposition to the Iran War, but clearly, THEY don’t speak for the movement:
Trump’s right: his endorsements are gold in GOP primaries. He’s like a Ruth or Brady for the GOP.
Most people he endorses wins, & even most challengers win vs. incumbents.
No wonder: Trump has the highest own party approval of any 21st century prez at this point in term 2. pic.twitter.com/PtuGoa5ei7
— (((Harry Enten))) (@ForecasterEnten) March 5, 2026
Massie’s shellacking put those podcasters in a quandary. They could admit the truth — that the American people rejected their argument, their influence is minimal, and Donald Trump matters far more than they do — or they could spin another far-reaching conspiracy theory about the “Epstein class.”
And you’ll never guess which way they went:
The Israel lobby takes out Thomas Massie and kills MAGA in the process. The good news is, we’ve now confirmed how the system works. pic.twitter.com/ZUwgM5GhOk
— Tucker Carlson (@TuckerCarlson) May 21, 2026
Megyn Kelly exposes massive voting anomalies in Thomas Massie’s primary. She reveals a suspicious surge of 104,000 votes in a non-presidential year compared to just 52,000 previously.
The establishment spent a staggering $32M to completely destroy him. Total corruption! pic.twitter.com/lH29Ha8t3D
— Furkan Gözükara (@FurkanGozukara) May 20, 2026
The numbers show a 1 in 200 probability that the election was not rigged.
See the facts below.. https://t.co/alboTUIhcP pic.twitter.com/0fa3nYtwry
— Alex Jones (@RealAlexJones) May 21, 2026
Rep. Massie didn’t lose because of Donald Trump — no sir! — he lost because of Israel, the Zionists, AIPAC, and “Jewish money.” (Plus, the election was rigged by you-know-who [touches nose]. Duh!)
Today, we’re witnessing the birth of a manufactured martyr.
Of course, in the same primary cycle, Sen. Bill Cassidy (R-La.) was also defeated. So was Georgia’s Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger. Along with a slew of Indiana state senators. And coming up next: Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas).
Did Israel do all that, too?
Or were Massie, Cassidy, Raffensperger, and the Indiana state senators rejected by Republican voters because they all got on the wrong side of President Trump? Because the common denominator sure seems to be that whichever candidate Trump endorses usually wins.
Related: Why Thomas Massie Wanted to Lose
Meanwhile, Tucker Carlson’s track record is, ahem, slightly less impressive:
Politicians Begin Offering Tucker Carlson $1 Million To Not Endorse Them https://t.co/Gq6UGAan9G pic.twitter.com/a3cLNz5LtC
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) May 20, 2026
Admitting you’re an influencer without the ability to influence isn’t great branding. It’s a poor way to build a loyal audience. That’s why we won’t hear any mea culpas from the pro-Massie mob.
Instead, they’ll insist they were right all along: Massie’s defeat had NOTHING to do with the American people rejecting their conspiracy theories about Jews and Zionism! Nor was it about the power of Donald Trump’s endorsement.
Ha! That’s just crazy talk!
(Even though Massie explicitly said his race was a “referendum on whether Israel gets to buy seats in Congress,” and in his concession speech, he snidely accused his opponent — who is a decorated Navy SEAL commander — of living in Tel Aviv.)
Nor does it matter that Massie received millions of dollars in “Jewish money” as well:
DISMANTLING HYPOCRISY — Self-proclaimed Zionist billionaire mega-donor Jeff Yass, 27th wealthiest person in the world, was a key donor to Thomas Massie:https://t.co/BpTK0YNiiy https://t.co/Mdz1Qd0Nsp
— Toria Brooke (@realtoriabrooke) May 20, 2026
Instead, Massie’s defeat PROVES that Carlson and company were right: Israel broke MAGA! Israel rigged the election! Israel controls the Republican Party — and the world!
Since they were (obviously) right about Jeffrey Epstein, Iran, Qatar, and everything else, the only logical explanation for Massie’s defeat is that Israel has once again “hypnotized the world.” (With help from those traitorous Zionists, of course.)
Don’t laugh: They’re VERY talented propagandists. Carlson and company will tell — and retell — Massie’s story, over and over again, recycling the same cadre of bobblehead “experts” who agreed with it the first time.
And by the time they’re done, Thomas Massie will be recast as a Christ figure, crucified by those evil Zionists, sacrificed at the altar of “Israel First.”
Hey, if Tucker Carlson is right — and Donald Trump has a “supernatural” ability to put a “spell” on people that makes them “compliant and more confused” — then why couldn’t Israel hypnotize the world? At a minimum, doesn’t this need to be investigated?
(Carlson is “just asking questions,” you know.)
For influence-free influencers, Massie’s value as a PR prop is directly tied to how effectively his loss is spun. If he was rejected by Kentuckians because he ran afoul of President Trump, there’s no story — no mystery — no grand conspiracy to unravel. There’s nothing to monetize, expose, or rail against.
And no Jews to blame.
For very specific reasons, these podcasters have chosen to make Massie a manufactured martyr. By the time they’re done, the name “Thomas Massie” will be shorthand for “screwed over by the Jews.” His rehabilitation campaign is now underway.
And for equally specific reasons, the Chosen People wish, just once, they’d choose someone else.
One Last Thing: 2026 is a critical year for America First. It began with Mayor Mamdani declaring war on “rugged individualism” and will reach a crescendo with the midterm elections. Nothing less than the fate of the America First movement teeters in the balance.
Never before have the political battle lines been so clearly defined. Win or lose, 2026 will transform our country.
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