Flat Stanley was born in 1964. The brainchild of children’s author Jeff Brown, Flat Stanley was originally a bedtime story for Brown’s kids: When his son fretted about being smooshed by the big noticeboard hanging above his bed, Brown joked about the upside of being flat — and in the process, Stanley Lambchop, a.k.a. Flat Stanley, was introduced to the world.
In the mid-’90s, a Canadian schoolteacher named Dale Hubert launched the Flat Stanley Project, with elementary students mailing Flat Stanley cutouts to others, sending their two-dimensional friend on far-flung adventures. Over 4,000 schools in 88 countries now participate in the program. Flat Stanley has attended the Oscars with Clint Eastwood, joined astronauts aboard the Discovery space shuttle, been photographed with presidents George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Barack Obama, and made it backstage on Saturday Night Live.
He even made it to King of the Hill:
By the time of Brown’s death in 2003, the “Flat Stanley” series had sold nearly a million copies in the U.S. and was translated into Spanish. French, German, Japanese, and Hebrew.
Yet not Farsi. At least, not yet.
But when it is, I’ll betcha a Chelow kabab it’ll be a big hit:
Iran’s newly appointed supreme leader, Mojtaba Khamenei, couldn’t turn up, so they pulled out the cardboard cutout of him instead.
— Breaking911 (@Breaking911) March 10, 2026
Not much is known about Mojtaba Khamenei, the new “Supreme Leader” of Iran. Some say he’s now too injured to be photographed. Others say it’s not just missiles he can’t get up: Allegedly, he was treated multiple times in the U.K. for impotency.
There are even reports that his father, Ali Khamenei, was so opposed to his son replacing him as Supreme Leader that he explicitly forbade it in his will.
Either way, it seems pretty clear that Junior wasn’t exactly setting the world on fire. (Nor his bedroom, for that matter.) He’s a 56-year-old nepo-baby who hasn’t accomplished much of anything.
His resume is as thin as… cardboard.
Which probably bodes poorly for his fate as a wartime leader: How many Iranians are willing to fight to the death to preserve a government with an injured, flaccid, unaccomplished nepo-baby at the helm?
Had Iran’s mullahs appointed a new Supreme Leader with charisma, brains, accomplishments, and oratory skills, there’d be reason for concern. Especially during the darkest days of a war, citizens must have faith in their leadership. After all, the leader is directly responsible for the fate of millions. If you can’t trust him to do the right thing, your motivation to sacrifice blood and treasure is limited.
How many Iranian parents are willing to send their children to die in the name of Mojtaba Can’t-get-it-up?
Think about all the qualities of legendary wartime leaders: guts, brains, charisma, credibility, moral authority. The best leaders inspire us — even when the odds are against us.
They make us believe in ourselves when common sense says otherwise.
Like Alexander the Great said, “I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of sheep led by a lion.”
An actual lion — not a cardboard cutout of a lion.
But this guy? Flat Mojtaba?
He looks like a South Park character:
South Park already did it https://t.co/hIl3bOe0wS pic.twitter.com/wYd4ToWB2I
— Alex Tapscott (@alextapscott) March 10, 2026
At this point, the mullahs are bordering on self-parody:
Iran Asks Democrats For Tips On Running Country With Dead Leader https://t.co/k67X49LG82 pic.twitter.com/0HK5gAo4Lp
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) March 11, 2026
War is, was, and will forever be a Pandora’s Box of unpredictability: Once that box is opened, you never know for sure what will come out.
War is the ultimate theater of the unknown.
But we know this: Eventually, the bombing will stop — and the Iranian people will have to make a choice.
What kind of country do they want to live in?
The Americans and Israelis are attacking with planes and missiles because they hope the ground troops are already in place: The Iranian people will rise up and overthrow the mullahs.
Maybe they will. Maybe the seeds are sown for a successful rebellion — and at long last, the Iranians will earn their freedom.
Or maybe our hopes will fall flat.
Flat Stanley has rubbed shoulders with wartime leaders before:
The Flat Stanley Project is an educational movement that has encouraged kids to write and send their “Flat Stanleys” all over the world. During his time in office President Bush hosted many Flat Stanleys & wrote to kids & their teachers about their adventures. #ArchivesPenPals pic.twitter.com/uTekEJOFGx
— GeorgeWBush Library (@GWBLibrary) April 3, 2020
But asking him to become one? Yeah, good luck with that.
The new Supreme Leader has stretched himself too thin — and either way, we’ll all learn the truth in no time… flat.
One Last Thing: 2026 is a critical year for America First: It began with Mayor Mamdani declaring war on “rugged individualism” and will reach a crescendo with the midterm elections. Nothing less than the fate of the America First movement teeters in the balance.
Never before have the political battlelines been so clearly defined. Win or lose, 2026 will transform our country.
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